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The name's Mari......Mari F. Christmes

Jul. 3rd, 2024 02:35 pm

I've been born and re-born, so many times.
I wonder and ponder how many more times I'll try.
To realize
Which life is meant to be mine.

I might be addicted, I know I'm confused.
Fuck all these numbers, thier constraints and rules.
This is old news
Am I too retarded to see through these clues?

I know who I am, but I keep on changing.
These hospital bills and nothing is mending
The pain is away
For another day. I got so high I flew away.

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May. 25th, 2024 05:32 pm End.

I'm so fucking sick of guilt, blame, lack of self-acknowledgement.
That's not what this was suppossed to be about.
We had good intentions, but our actions blindly led us.
I don't have a lot of answers,
But I have a lot of love.
Fuck regret, I'm still a child of the night
There is still time.

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Mar. 23rd, 2024 01:54 am It's Official

I'm calling Shenanigans....

....on the World.

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Feb. 27th, 2024 11:41 am

Even if I come back,
Even if I die,
Is there an idea
To replace my life?

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Feb. 13th, 2024 05:12 am

I really want life to violently grab me and shake me like a ragdoll.
It kinda sounds like a good time :>

Current Mood: raging insomnia
Current Music: Air-Ritz 107

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Jan. 13th, 2024 11:12 am

This weather makes me feel sick and dead.
The sun was so refreshing yesterday; saying that makes me feel like my grandmother.
The days are flying by, each one more or less the same as the last, but in a good way.
I feel bad; my parents miss me so much it's kind of embarassing that I never see them. I should really put in more of an effort. The older I get, the more I realize just how shitty we are to our parents, even if they are "psychos" or "nazis" or whatever dictatorial name we decide to give them.
I've been actually making an effort with myself lately, and it feels so good. I've been writing, reading, and drawing more, and I'm proud of myself for actually getting around to doing those things that I haven't done in months. I've stopped haranguing myself about not getting up early enough to get stuff done because I've decided that it's more important that I get plenty of sleep. I feel like, for once, I've stopped turning everything into a good decision or a bad decision, and just accepted that there's a lot of fucking gray, and everything we do can be viewed as either good or bad, depending on the point of view. The movie Happenstance really goes to prove (in my opinion) that it doesn't really matter what we do, as long as we're doing what we want to do for the moment. Unexpected circumstances come around, and things don't turn out the way you want them to, but you keep moving, and before you know it, the good times have come back around. I just love that beautiful balance in life.
There's a lot of people I'm suppossed to call to hang out with this weekend, and it's crazy always trying to find time to call more than the 4 or 5 people I talk to every single day. There's just not enough time. I really wish I could dedicate more time out of my life for being there for my friends. Sure, my cell phone is always on (except when it's in Indiana), but sometimes people need reaching out to. Sometimes it's not enough to just keep your phone on.
In other news, I am so fucking sick and tired of older men hitting on me. It's always been like this, and I'm SO sick of it. The weird part of it all is that, as a rule, I tend to prefer being around older people than younger people, but once they start hitting on me I just don't want them around anymore. However, with younger people, it's always fun to flirt a little more and not think twice about it. ;>
Sigh. I'm typing my thoughts out now. Time to stop.

Current Mood: naked?
Current Music: Bright Eyes-an attempt to tip the scales

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Dec. 29th, 2023 02:15 am Let the good times roll...

Everything is good again.
For the first time in my life, I feel complete in every aspect of my life; my relationship with both of my parents, my relationship with the person that owns my heart, all of my friends, who are my real family, my views on my future, everything. I just feel complete. And happy.
There are good times and bad, and these are good times, great times, maybe the best times of my life. It feels good to realize and appreciate that to the fullest. Open eyes, open mind, open heart. It feels great.
I am so overwhelmed by love; the generosity of the season, missing all my friends so much, discovering everything I never expected to hear, it's just all so wonderful, and I truly feel blessed.
I love you all,

Current Mood: giddygiddy
Current Music: bright eyes- a song to pass the time

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Dec. 26th, 2023 10:40 am

Oh home sweet home.
Christmas was.........interesting. It was my first Christmas as an "adult" and I've found that once you grow up and decide what you're all about and who you are, the less you really get along with people who have only known you as a child. My family is all so fucking over opinionated, and I'm so laid back most of the time, but sometimes they say things that just make me see red. I was showing my Mom's family pictures of my friends, and there was one picture of Amanda in her ninja turtle undies and my Grandma exclaimed "ach mamaja" (slopbucket German for "oh my goodness!") and my aunt said "the only women I know who wear boy's underwear are dykes". I felt my stomach churn and I felt like walking about the house right then and there, but I kept a straight face. I guess they can't help being in the heart of the Bible belt...or something.

But forget about that, I'm glad to be back and I want to see EVERYBODY!!!! Sooo many people were calling me while I was down in Missouri, and I can't wait to see them all. Megan, one of my best friends from 1st until 12th grade is coming back in town, and I don't think I've seen her since I showed up drunk on her front lawn at 4 in the morning. (hahahaha) It'll be an interesting reunion.

I've never missed people before. Not once. I didn't really know what it was like to just agonize over somebody. And in this case, somebody was all of my friends. People have left for weeks at a time, and while it wasn't the same without them around, I never quite felt that empty feeling in my stomach after you realize that all you want is to give them a huge hug but they're just out of reach. So, needless to say, it feels FANTABULOUS to be back. I honestly want to see EVERYBODY.

I scored some cool stuff for christmas, but I haven't had Christmas with my parents yet (we have our own little Parrish Christmas in P-town every year), and I'll score some sweet stuff from them. The best gift I got............(Marcus, you're going to laugh hysterically, fyi).....A $2 bill and a few Franklins to spare. Do I know what that was MEANT to be spent on or WHAT??? I struggled to keep a ridiculous smile from sticking to my face as I opened the present, wild visions of the party to come flying through my head as my whole family stared on at me as I opened a present. I think hiding smiles is the HARDEST thing ever for me to do. I can't stop them. Like when I was little and my Mom would piss me off so bad I'd just be sobbing, she'd come in and crack a joke, and I just couldn't stop myself from smiling. I'm a smiler I guess. :)

Ok, this update's running out of hand, but I mainly wanted everyone to know that I LOVE them and want to see them, so call me and we will do something. I hope everybody had a Merry Christmas.............
BUT we all know the real reason for the season is NEW YEAR'S mothafuckas!!! I hope everyone is ready to get the hell rid of 2005!! Hehe I am, I prefer writing 6's more than 5's, so 2006 will be a good year, hehehe.

Peace out,
Come give me a hug for the holidays!!

Current Mood: thankfulthankful
Current Music: the party machine

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Dec. 5th, 2023 04:55 pm

I give myself three days to feel better,
Then I swear I'll drive it off a fucking cliff,
Becuase if I can't even make myself feel better,
How do I expect anyone else to give a shit?

Current Music: Bright Eyes-If Winter Ends

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Dec. 2nd, 2023 02:57 am Busch Light and your mother's uncle

So, dancing with hotties drunk as shit is realllllly fun.
Her name was Megan.
Or so Mracus told me.

Current Mood: drunkdrunk
Current Music: hahaahaha that drunk face is funny

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